50 Shades of Grey – Chapter 11

When we start this chapter, we get the contract between Christian (dom) and Ana (sub). Because I’m lazy and because you all deserve to see just how awful this shit is, I’m going to paste it all in and then cry because it’s awful.

1 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the Submissive.

2 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits and her wellbeing.

Bull-fucking-shit. As we saw with regards to the rules, this is not about what Ana wants or needs – it’s about what Christian wants. What he wants, he gets. It’s really that simple.

Remember, as per the rules Ana isn’t allowed to complain about anything that Christian does; she’s expected to just go along with all of it happily. If she doesn’t follow his orders or displeases him in any way, then he’s going to punish her.

Christian Grey does not want a relationship of any kind with Anastasia Steele, what he wants is a sex slave who will do whatever he wants and who he can do whatever he wants to. He wants a woman to look good on his arm and will follow his every order and comply to his every whim. This isn’t a romantic thing; this isn’t even healthy.

This is an abusive relationship masquerading as kink. This is wrong.

3 The Dominant and the Submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing.

4 The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious or life-threatening illnesses including but not limited to HIV, Herpes and Hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.

The sexually transmitted diseases is a good clause, but that should go without saying that you should disclose to your partner whether or not you’re clean. That’s something that they kind of need to know. But, as always, practice safe sex – that’s what’s most important.

But if you do have a serious sexually transmitted disease tell your partner. Yes, even if it’s just casual sex it’s a good idea to tell them. Keeping it secret and not saying when you do is liable to get you charged.

As for point three, lol no. This is about Christian, Ana’s consent is completely irrelevant. If he wants to do something that she doesn’t, tough luck for her! If she’s not in the mood, again tough luck! It’s all about Christian.

5 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.

6 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 2-5 above.

Welcome to the world of Legalese; it’s like a completely different language, but if you write something that sounds vaguely like you’re talking in circle than you’re good.

Not sure what the fuck happens if there’s a breach of contract considering that this contract is not legally binding. But, you know, who gives a shit because Ana probably believes that it is since Christian is an asshat who doesn’t like to clarify stuff. That could, you know, be important.

Also, holy fuck this is a fucking long contract and what the fuck. I was originally going to post the entire thing, but there’s just a lot of it and wall o’texting you guys isn’t 100% my style so I’ll go back to parsing it and picking out the problematic details.

A couple of things from the dominant section of the contract (outlining his role and stuff, I think) – actually it’s under the heading ‘service provisions’ which just makes me laugh:

15.1 The Dominant shall make the Submissive’s health and safety a priority at all times.

Christian, care about Ana? Ha, don’t make me laugh. So far he’s been nothing but an abusive jerkface. What’s a piece of paper going to do to change that? It’s not legally binding and even though it does state that Ana can leave if he doesn’t adhere to that, we know that’s not going to happen because Christian wants Ana and he always gets what he wants.

15.2 The Dominant accepts the Submissive as his, to own, control, dominate and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the Submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

There’s a whole bunch of other shit about how he’s supposed to care for her and stuff, but the majority of the language makes it clear that the submissive is pretty much Christian’s property. Lots of attention is paid to “for her well-being” and her “health” and “safety” but nothing really goes towards what she’d like out of the relationship. As I said before, this is all about Christian – it doesn’t matter if this is the sort of relationship that Ana wants.

Christian doesn’t even need to tell Ana the reason why he punishes her if he does and he can use any method that he wants. Seriously, I’m starting to go: What the fuck is this.

See, any sort of freedom or safety that Ana might have is invalidated by the clause of the contract which states:

15.14 The Submissive shall obey the rules (“the Rules”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement.

See, it’s one thing to have a written set of guidelines and the like as to what goes on in the bedroom (or in a scene – forgive me if I screw up terms, BDSM isn’t my thing), but this extends into Ana’s actual life and permeates all aspects of it. She really is a slave – not just a submissive.

15.13 The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term

Yeah, uh, that’s not how dom/sub dynamics work. That’s master/slave dynamics and that’s a completely different ballpark to dom/sub. No they are not the same thing. You are an idiot for even implying that they are.

No, seriously, master/slave dynamics are a completely different thing than dom/sub dynamics. Sure, there might be some overlap, but they’re different and that’s what’s important.

It’s really creepy that the “sub” in 50 Shades is expected to become a slave to the dom and their pleasure and desire.

People, do not take anything this book tells you as being truth. This is not how dom/sub relationships work and you shouldn’t try to implement this into your sex life or look for someone to do this with – if you do, run, because that person isn’t a dom they are an abuser using kink to hide their abusive tendencies and behaviour.

15.17 The Submissive will ensure that she procures oral contraception and ensure that she takes it as and when prescribed to prevent any pregnancy.

Yeah, because it’s the woman’s job to make sure that she doesn’t get pregnant; it’s not like it takes two to tango or anything.

As for the rest of the submissive section, it really needs to be seen to be believe:

15.18 The Submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.

15.19 The Submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.

15.20 The Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do without hesitation or argument.

15.21 The Submissive shall accept whippings, floggings, spankings, caning, paddling or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, enquiry or complaint.

Notice a running theme here? Notice that she isn’t to raise any concerns with Christian about any of the activities that they partake in. She’s just supposed to take it all without complaint.

This isn’t how it works. Ana has never been in a relationship like this before and has no idea of her limits or what she might enjoy or like. There’s also the fact that, so far, Ana’s been very wary about it and doesn’t seem at all enthusiastic about the majority of the acts that Christian wants to do with her.

Ana thought that the “playroom” (which she dubs the Red Room of Pain) had a lot in common with a torture chamber. That should tell you a lot about how interested she is in such a relationship.

Again, Christian doesn’t care if this is or isn’t what Ana wants. What matters to him is that it’s what he wants and that’s all that’s important to him and all that matters. Ana can only “have” Christian on his terms, not her own; the only way she can have him is by acting like a doormat and letting him treat her like a slave.

This is not romantic; this is fucked up.

Urgh, this fucking sucks and I hate it so much. This is not a relationship that anyone should want nor should it be put forward as being a healthy one. It’s abusive and creates an imbalance of power.

There’s a section on safewords, but I somehow doubt that Christian is going to adhere to them.

19 The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance.

20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.

Well, that’s a small step forward because shitty BDSM stories usually completely neglect to outline safewords. But this is 50 Shades so I get the feeling that something awful is going to come up regarding them.

Safewords are very useful, but also if you’re in a good relationship and know your limits well and talked about everything beforehand and outlined what you will and will not do, what you like and don’t like, you shouldn’t have to use them. There’s a certain trust that a sub has for the dom that they won’t cross a line.

We get a recap of the rules – which if you need a reminder were talked about here.

Then we get into Christian’s hard limits and then we move onto soft limits which are pretty much a long list of various sexual acts that’s pretty much a checklist of what Ana does/doesn’t like.

To be quite honest, I don’t think that I’d recommend bondage with tape because ow that would hurt a fucking lot. Rope can also be tricky if it’s too coarse because it can leave marks and you can hurt yourself fairly badly if it’s tied too tight and if you pull on it too much.

Here’s the last section of the contract:

What is the Submissive’s general attitude about receiving pain? Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5

How much pain does the submissive want to receive? Where 1 is none and 5 is severe: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5

Which of the following types of pain/punishment/discipline are acceptable to the Submissive?

• Spanking

• Paddling

• Whipping

• Caning

• Biting

• Nipple clamps

Genital clamps

• Ice

• Hot wax

• Other types/methods of pain

I wasn’t even aware those were a thing that exists.

Just to throw it out there, but there was a part earlier on in the contract that Christian will not lend Ana out to another dom. That’s a thing? Holy shit what.

Now we move on to Ana’s reaction to the contract and she’s pretty appalled about the entire thing and definitely not going to agree to it. She finds it incredibly constricting and is genuinely horrified at the notion that Christian would be her lord and master.

She’s also not too thrilled at the idea of pain. In fact, she’s rather scared of it and I’m not too surprised about it. I’m not big on pain either. I know that some people are, but it’s perfectly reasonable not to be turned on by pain or find it attractive or want someone to inflict it on you.

Ana seems okay with the bondage, she found it hot. That’s perfectly acceptable.

Ana’s pretty much decided that she can’t do this and that this isn’t any way to engage in a relationship. That’s fine, it’s her choice. But would her subconscious and her inner goddess please shut the fuck up?!

My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five-year-old. Please, let’s do this… otherwise we’ll end up alone with lots of cats and your classic novels to keep you company.

Yes, let’s jump all over the first man who walks into your life and expresses interest in you. Let’s just ignore the fact that he wants to be able to treat you like his own personal sex slave and not give a fuck about whether or not it’s what you want. But holy shit the sex was amazing! Yeah? Well I’m sure you could find a total sweetheart of a guy who respects you and loves you and will give you amazing orgasms.

Seriously, you don’t need to throw yourself at the first man you sleep with or find yourself interested in. Being attracted to him is fine, but this is the first man you’ve been attracted to. Trust me, there will be others and they won’t come with: "a bloody contract, a flogger, and a whole world of issues".

Those are Ana’s exact words on the subject. That tells you all you need to know about how Ana feels about this ‘relationship’ he’s suggesting.

Ana goes to bed and wakes up in the morning to their being a guy there with a delivery that he has to set up and show her how to use. I’m going what the fuck because… what.

Oh, it’s a MacBook Pro.

Wait. You need someone to set it up and show you how to use it? Uh…. that’s not how Macbooks work. *is currently typing all this up on one as she reads this*

Seriously, you just turn it on and VIOLA you are pretty much set to go; the entire situation is relatively straight-forward even if you’re not very tech-savvy. If my seventy-year-old grandma can figure it out, I think your twenty-one-year-old ass could figure it out.

“It’s got the latest OS and a full suite of programs, plus a one-point-five terabyte hard drive so you’ll have plenty of room, thirty-two gigs of RAM – what are you planning to use it for?”

So, this book came out in ‘11 which means it’s probably running Lion which would be OS X 10.7. As for the hard drive and RAM… what the fuck. MacBooks don’t come with hard drives that large (most laptops do not have that much storage space) – you usually get ones in the 250GB range and MacBook Pros have a 256GB or 512GB hard drive. As for RAM… Lion and Mountain Lion (the latest Mac OS) take about 4GB of RAM to run. I have no fucking idea what you’re going to do with 32 and I don’t even think it’s possible for a Mac to run that much RAM.

Hell, I don’t even think that a laptop can run that much RAM. If I had them with me, I’d be able to show you the sticks of RAM that I used to have in my laptop and trust me, you are not cramming a lot of them in there.

This is just being tech stupid. It’s not like it’s hard to find out what the specs are for a MacBook Pro – they’re right there on Apple’s website. That website, might I add, is just a simple Google search away.

Research. It’s not hard.

Also, Ana now has an email account and I’m wondering how the fucking hell she has made it this far in life without one. No seriously, how the fuck are you a university student in 2011 and you don’t have a fucking email account.

That’s it. I’m done. I can’t take the stupid anymore.

There’s some mildly cute flirting that’s only cute until I remember what book this is via email and then I want to beat my face against the window because RAAAAAGE.

Ana goes to work, meets Jose for coffee and all is forgiven. I hate this book more and more with every passing page. My hatred for it burns hotter than a thousand flaming suns.

More email flirting.

Then Ana goes to Wikipedia and looks up submissive and I’m wondering what the fuck she found. I’m assuming this is the page she found because just typing in submission goes to a different page.

Well, we know Ana is definitely not interested.

Half an hour later, I feel slight queasy and frankly shocked to my core. Do I really want this stuff in my head? Jeez – is this what he gets up to in the Red Room of Pain? I sit staring at the screen, and part of me, a very moist and integral part of me – that I’ve only become acquainted with very recently, is seriously turned on. Oh my, some of this stuff is HOT. But is it for me? Holy shit… could I do this? I need space. I need to think.

If your first instinct is that it’s making you ill, then I’d say it’s probably not your thing and I’d advise you not to do it. If you have any doubts, then don’t go through with it – it’s that simple.

I’m… not going to say anything about the moist part of you because… what.

Usually I’d say thinking with your penis, this is the first time I’d have to say you’re thinking with your vagina. :/

And that’s it for the chapter. See you next time.